What's your song?

Everybody has their own song, a song which they can relate to their life to, a song reflective of their feelings. A song may remind us of the past, those bittersweet memories. It also invokes nostalgia in some of us.

Anyway my song is "Landslide," covered by the Smashing Pumpkins. I've got nothing better to do so I'd like to share my interpretation of this song.

I took my love, I took it down
-The recent breakup, I gave up. I was so fed up that day of everything. Although I oh so want to take back the things that I've said, the things that I've done. Alas, I cannot.

I climbed a mountain and I turned around
-Reminds me when I was still studying in DLSU, I had everything I wanted back then. Yeah, I got in but the "disease" didn't leave me alone, it kept calling me. I had no choice but to indulge, and indulge I did.

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
til the landslide brought it down
-I had a major reality check. I realized that I was living a lie, everything just fell down right before my eyes. There was no way to undo the things. I was lost.

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
-I've been talking to God a lot lately. I've been asking the same question everyday; before I sleep, when I wake up, when I'm alone, I always ask Him "why?"

Can the child within my heart rise above?
- Will I ever be free from everything? Let me have my reprieve.

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
- Uncertainty fills my mind and my heart. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost, my mind is always elsewhere. I don't know if I can still go on. I don't know if I can last. I really don't know. Uncertainty...

Well, Ive been afraid of changing cause I've
Built my life around you
- I didn't want to change anything, we didn't have to. I gave everything up. I gave them all up for you. My world revolved around you. You were my only reason.

But time makes you bolder
- Indeed, time made you bolder...

Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too
- These experiences made me strong in some way. I'm trying my best to hold on. A losing grip.

Well, Ive been afraid of changing cause I've
Built my life around you
Time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
The landslide brought it down
The landslide brought it down

Emo bitch eh? =P

What is to be found in our obituaries

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life, as to what're the things that I wanna do and whatnot. Then I got to think about death, about how it will all end. Will I die a happy man? A content one? Or with a sour grimace on my face while lying in my deathbed? It posed the ultimate question: "Will I ever be happy?"

Given these, I decided to start writing my obituary. Y'know, when you write your obituary, you get to realize the things that you want to do or accomplish in your life. It's like setting goals with a touch of morbidity in it. Although I haven't been the happiest person lately, it would be very nice to know that there are things out there that can fill this void. (Oh, I wanna fill Cindy Kurleto's "void "too, if you know what I'm saying =P)

Here are the things that may seem unattainable, nevertheless they are still my dreams:

1) Inner Peace
2) An affinity with my God
3) Somebody to share my life with
4) To write a novel
5) To be someone important in the society
6) To serve the people in my own little way
7) To enjoy my life more

I want to be happy, I'm trying my best to be happy. To be content. Hard as it may seem for me, I don't want to look back and say: "Ah, those were the days."

Ooh, by the way what would you write on your headstone? Curiosity strikes me once in a while. Mebbe I'd write: "I told you I was ill" and the music while my casket is being lowered would hopefully be "Stayin' Alive."

I find myself blabbering once again. Anyway, gotta go back to school. Ciao!

Cheers!

Happy birthday to me! I'm now twenty three years old!


Now, what did I do on my birthday you might ask? Well, I spent the whole day in school, studying for this subject that demands a lot of time from me. I've never been this serious about school, mind you. And, when I got home, someone special bought me a cute little cake, gave me a portable coffee container too! =D The cake was great, FYI.

I've been so stressed out lately; I think what drives me is this seven year itch of wanting to prove something to myself. Yeah, I've been a fuck up, and I don't wanna be fuck up anymore. I've been there, done that. But it doesn't matter how hard you fall down, what matters is how fast you get up.

Babble babble.

I've been trying to be the best man that I can be for the past year; I've been trying to accept everything that life throws at me. But even the toughest men fall. And life doesn't stop there, it also kicks your balls too when you're down.

Even though everything seems to crumble down before my eyes, the things that I love, the things that I care for, the things that I treasure the most, I still try to persevere. Endure, and in enduring grow strong is what I always say.

Blah blah.

I wanna be free for a change, I wanna live my life the way with my own rules. I wanna to decide without taking into consideration the opinions of others, I want more time for myself.

Etc etc.

Come to think of it, I wanna be a kid again. A kid doesn't have any big problems, doesn't worry too much about the things to come. Neverland, now that's a nice place to live in.

Hey, have I told you guys about one of the neatest things that happened to me while I was away? I met two of my siblings! I met my kid brother Vincent and my adorable and plump kid sister Charlize! Vincent is deaf by the way, can't hear a damn thing, but he is very smart. Was awarded a lot of medals this school year. He's very sweet too. Charlize on the other hand is very adorable, I wanna hug her when I sleep. She's like a small body pillow. You gotta have some candy to get her to notice you, otherwise she'll ignore you. How I wish that my sister would get over her issues with my siblings, they're just kids, they've done nothing wrong. Charlize also looks like Kat too, my older sister.

(Ellipsis here)

Anyway, going back. Yeah, things have indeed changed while I was away. I got used to studying, I've learned to be more responsible(thank you Ms. Esleta - INDIBEH, but it's not yet over!), I've been through hell and back.

...

Yes, going back to change, change is indeed constant. People change for the better or for the worse. It's really up to the person to progress or regress. Yes, people do not change overnight, but they can start changing right then and there. A person must learn to realize that he/she controls his/her future; that he/she can do something to make it better. That's Internal Locus of Control for ya. =D

Babbling on...

I think I wanna spend some time with myself in the near future. Even though I've got a lot of things to submit, a lot of things to do, a lot of things to take care of, I wont forget to give myself a break. After all, I deserve it after all this shit that I've been through eh?

Solitary ramblings...

Well, I guess that's it for now. I wanna write some more, but my minds not that organized at the moment. Sorry for this ugly piece, I just wanted to speak my mind. To think aloud. To some of you the things that I've written may be too shallow, but if you're in my shoes you'd realize how complicated it is. You'd know.

Emo bitch.

Well, Mr. R., I think you're right again. Cheers!